


You’re friends with the psychopath?

by SorrowfulJoy



Category: South Park
Genre: Cartman is a psychopath, First Day of School, Kyman if you squint, but Kyle probably is too tbh, first day at high school, protective!Cartman, protective!Craig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 20:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13372659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SorrowfulJoy/pseuds/SorrowfulJoy
Summary: The boys first day at high school doesn't go too well, Kyle finds himself in a bit of trouble and who else to save him than Eric fucking Cartman himself?





	You’re friends with the psychopath?

“This is weird.” Stan spoke as he looked up at the entrance to the high school and Kenny nodded beside him in agreement. The four boys were fourteen years old now and starting their first day at high school. Cartman simply rolled his eyes and marched ahead of his friends, looking back with a raised expectant eyebrow

“Well, you pussies coming in or not?” Kyle was the first to move; always ruffled by Cartman’s challenges and he stepped forward with an eyeroll

 “Shut up fatass. Come on guys.” Stan sighed and followed behind his two head-strong friends and Kenny followed behind him

“I’m gonna make this school my bitch.” Kenny snorted at Cartman’s comment while Kyle just rolled his eyes, but Kenny caught the fond smile on his face as he did so.

 

\-------

 

Kyle was so confused. It was second period and he had a different class from the others, so he was trying to find it but failing miserably. He was just about to give up and go to the office to ask for help when he heard a voice from behind him.

“Hey, look guys, I think we found a little freshman” Kyle felt himself tense up and he turned to see three older guys staring at him smugly. Great. Only a few hours in and already some older idiots want to kick his ass.

“Heh, he looks like a little faggot as well.” Kyle’s eyes narrowed, and he felt his fists clench in preparation to beat the shit out of these assholes. Well, he knew he’d probably get his ass kicked considering it was three on one, but he wasn’t about to sit back and take it.

“Let’s get him!” The three started to advance and Kyle got ready to dodge and throw a punch when a very familiar voice spoke from behind him.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were youu~” Kyle tensed up as Cartman threw an arm around his shoulder, his annoying sing song voice right in his ear, he immediately shrugged the arm off and glared at Eric

“Oh look, the freshy has a queer little boyfriend as well!” The boys didn’t look at all deterred by Eric intervening and Kyle immediately bristled at the comment

“Cartman’s not my boyfriend assholes!” One of the boys’ eyes widened while the other two just laughed

“Wait…did you say Cartman?” Kyle was too busy frowning at the sudden startled teen to notice Cartman’s wide smile grow on his face at the reaction

“Yeah…?” Cartman pushed Kyle behind him to move forward and he held out his hand in a deceptively friendly way to the frightened boy

“Cartman. Eric Cartman.” Kyle rolled his eyes at the obvious Bond reference and the other two teens looked at their friend in confusion at seeing how his face had paled while he looked at Eric

“Dude what is it?”

“Guys! Eric Cartman, don’t you remember? Scott? This psychopath killed his parents and fed them to him!”

Oh. Kyle got it now. These guys must have been Seniors, which would make them in the same year that Scott was in. Cartman actually laughed, retracted his hand and bent over laughing.

“Oh! That was hilarious! He cried so much when I told him it was his dead parents he was eating!”

“And anyway, Cartman didn’t KILL his parents. He just, manipulated someone else into killing them.” Kyle knew that wasn’t much better, but he wasn’t letting Cartman get credit for something he didn’t do himself. The other two boys had also now paled considerably and they slowly stepped back from Eric.

“You’re that kid?” Eric smiled a wide, toothy grin at them and nodded

“Yup. And you see that kid?” Eric then turned to point at Kyle and the latter frowned at him

“That kid right there is mine. So, if any of you assholes try to touch him again, well, let’s just say you should keep an eye on your parents’ whereabouts.” Kyle spluttered as Cartman called him ‘his’ and decided to voice his indignation

“Hey! I’m not ‘yours’ asshole!” The smirk that Cartman sent over his shoulder to Kyle was bone-chilling to say the least

“Sure thing Kahl.” Kyle opened his mouth to protest again, to yell at Cartman, when one of the boys spoke up again

“You-You’re friends with this psychopath?” Kyle realised the boy was talking to him now, not Eric, and he sent the other freshman a look before glancing back to the three terrified boys

“Yeah. I am.” Kyle didn’t miss the small smile that crossed Eric’s face before he quickly schooled it back into his cruel expression and as Kyle glanced at the three boys he felt a cruel look overtake his own features

“Guess that makes me just as much as a psychopath as him.” Kyle tilted his head then with a grin, ignoring the way that the intense look that Eric was giving him made heat pool in his lower stomach and spoke in a sickly sweet voice.

“Don’t you three have a class to get to?” The three pretty much turned tail and ran and Kyle couldn’t help but laugh at the action. He looked up to see Cartman had come face to face to him now and was smiling at him

“Damn Kahl.” Kyle knew Eric was talking about the way he had gone playfully cruel on the three boys and he gave his friend a smirk

“What? Almost ten years of being friends with you and you think that I haven’t picked up any of your traits?” Cartman rolled his eyes and started walking in the direction of the office; leaving Kyle to follow him

“What makes you think they were even my traits in the first place? Maybe you’re the one who turned me psychopathic, ever think of that Kahl?” Kyle snorted at that, a sudden thought coming to him

“Yeah, right. Why weren’t you in class anyway?”   

“Eh, couldn’t find the classroom. Heard the commotion and thought I’d come and save your jew ass.”

“Hey! It didn’t need saving asshole, I could have taken them.”

“Righttttttt.”

They both stopped as there was a sudden thud and yell of pain and frowned at each other before rushing towards the sound. They rounded the corner to see none other than Craig Tucker standing over a floored kid and Tweek standing behind his larger boyfriend.

“If you come anywhere near Tweek again I’ll beat the shit out of you” Tweek was holding Craig back from the downed student. The guy quickly got up and ran past Kyle and Cartman; his nose dripping blood as he clutched it. Craig’s eyes followed the boy until he spotted Cartman and Kyle.

“C-Craig! You’re gonna get detention on your first day her—Oh-oh hey Kyle, Cartman! What are you two doing out here?” Tweek stopped in the middle of scolding his boyfriend when he also spotted the other two boys and Kyle headed over with Cartman trailing behind him

“Couldn’t find my class in this maze of a school”

“Yeah and I was just saving Kahl’s sweet ass from getting beaten up by three asshole seniors.” Kyle sent Cartman a glare; ignoring how his cheeks warmed up at the comment about his ass

“Fucker, I could have taken them.” Before Cartman could respond Tweek spoke up

“Oh, you too? Yeah some senior ran into me on my way to the toilet and started threatening me”

“Yeah until I came over and broke his nose.” Craig wrapped a possessive arm around Tweek’s waist and the latter blushed profusely, Kyle was just about to speak when he felt an arm slide around his waist as well and Cartman’s deep voice in his ear

“Yeah, we gotta look out for our baes right Craig?” Kyle yelped and immediately turned to push Cartman away from him even as Craig snorted in amusement from behind him

“Fuck off fatass you’re not my ‘bae’! I need to go find out where my classroom is, asshole.” Kyle stormed off in the direction of the office and Cartman rolled his eyes at Craig and Tweek

“Psssh, he gets so pissy when he’s got sand in his vagina, better go make sure he doesn’t get attacked again by stupid seniors, us freshys gotta stick together!” Cartman went after Kyle then and Craig and Tweek watched with amusement as the two disappeared from sight arguing.

“Kahhlll wait for mee!”

“Fuck off Cartman!”

“Heyyy, I need to find out where my lesson is too!”


End file.
